Monday, August 29, 2016

The wagon is circling back!

Hello and Happy Monday!

The past few weeks have been rough at work. So rough that I've had days in which I'm not sure I can continue doing what I do for another year or so. This weekend my husband asked if I'd made it to the gym in the past few weeks. Of course, I had not been.

A hard truth is that when I go to the gym my mental health is greatly improved. Earlier this summer I had a few rough days that I went before work and then went after as well. It helps me to relieve the stress and frustrations. So why didn't I go in the past few weeks?

The other things I've failed to do in the past few weeks is eat gluten free. I've also shredded my nails. I've simply fallen off the wagon.

When did I fall off the wagon? After going to get my psych eval for the ordination process.

I think this was a major lesson in self-sabotage. The closer I get to what I really want in life, some part of me freaks out and stops taking care of me.  What is up with that?

On the flip side, I did call my shrink and set an appointment. I have recognized and acknowledged my behaviors.

This week is going to be another rough week both emotionally and work wise. Had my first child survived, he would be 27 on Wednesday. It's crazy to think about, even after all these years I have an image of him how he'd grow and change each year. Last night I was feeling down about this and  imagined him being in the midst of wedding plans and thought to myself--"Are you going to create a ghost family for Christopher too?" I'm going to try not to do that but what the hell, maybe I will if it brings me comfort.

My eldest baby girl turns 21 on Tuesday!  She's away at college and working, I can't wait to celebrate with her later.

On Friday I'm taking my middle daughter to live 10 hours away!  She's off to learn how to adult! 

My youngest has her first full week of freshman year this week. 

I'll be working 3 late nights. 

This morning I knew that what I need most is time at the gym and time to write. I had my gym time and it felt great to move and sweat. This writing is a little crammed but it's here so I'm counting that as a positive!

May this Monday bring you what you need!

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