Skip to main content

RevGal Friday 5: Dream Edition

1. Do you tend to daydream?
Yeah, I'm guilty. i'm a very visual person.

2. Do you usually remember your night dreams? Do you find them symbolic and meaningful or just quirky?
It's probably 50/50. When remember them I do consider what they might mean, what my sleeping brain is trying to process.

3. Have you ever had a life changing dream which you'll never forget?
I've had lots of dreams that I'll never forget...lots. Howver, I don't think I'd classify any of them as life changing.
4. Share a long term dream for one or more aspects of your life and work.
Writing a book, my first is a memoir and I already have the title. I've started writing it but I think I have more life to live before it's truly ready to be written.

5. Share a dream for 2010....How can we support you in prayer on both the short and long term dreams?
I long to find my voice in leading the churches I serve. I've been listening, thinking, and I've been discerning what we need to do, what God is leading us to do and now I've got to lead us there. I pray that I can help our churches to follow God's will. Long term? That I too will have the courage and strength to follow God's will.

Bonus: a poem, song, artwork, etc. that deals with dreams in general or one of your dreams.
Ok, so I've mentioned the writing thing, my longing to write a book.   The one I've been waiting to write, the one that I haven't lived enough yet there have been times I've laid it aside.  One day I thought a seminary memoir would be fun to read and to write.  This is the intro that I have written for it...perhaps posting it will inspire me to actually do more with it.
Let’s get this straight from the outset. I do not believe myself to have been some outstanding seminarian. No, I know some of them, am honored to call a few friends but I am not one of them. I am one of many called by God (at least we believe to be, while I’d guess there are a few straight up charlatans in the bunch) to attend seminary and then find a way to serve the church, to serve God’s people both inside and outside of the the church. Despite what you might be thinking, despite what some professors, fellow students, preachers, and ministers might tell you, this is not a prestigious call. It shouldn’t be anyway, if you are going into the ministry in search of personal validation and victories, please do everyone a favor and go elsewhere!


“But you, you dear one are writing this book, why are you writing this book if you are not held in higher regard than the rest of us? Why bother with any of this?” I’ve asked myself these questions as well. It’s more of a compulsion, one of my own madadjustments to living this human life. I’ve fancied myself a writer since I could write, since I began to string words into sentences, since my very first poem that didn’t rhyme. It’s been my dream, so perhaps I am seeking validation from you the reader, that my dream is not dead. That I have not grown into a failure according to my 10 year old self. No, I do not dare disappoint her—she had enough disappointments, the least I can do is fulfill this one dream of hers, it’s too late for the rest.

The other reason why I write this book is because I am not  the person one would expect to be called into ministry. I am not alone, there are many of us. Religious outcasts, we are more comfortable with agnosticism than evangelism. I’ve seen books (but have not read them—not at this writing anyway) that I believe are directed toward us—“They Like Jesus, But Not the Church.” We have lived lives not of holiness and serenity but full of mess and muck, dirt, grime, and lots of swearing. We do not want a pristine church. We want a church that Jesus would have gone to, we want a church where no one cringes when the F-bomb is dropped. We want our lives and the church to have real meaning, not being simply comprised of words, nice clothes, and some crazy wonderful hats. Nor do we want praise music and hymns to be all that we sing. We live in the world. We know we are sinners, some of us might even suggest that Jesus sinned on occasion as well. So if you prefer a nice clean church and a Jesus who never made any mistakes, let alone sin, then put this book back on the shelf and walk away—make a coalition to ban the book (I could use the sales increase and it would certainly be self validating) if you’d like, but at least be intelligent about it and read the damn thing first! I think that’s enough for now, I might as well get started on the rest.

Comments

Sally said…
Love the book intro, and pray that you will find your voice.
Sophia said…
Prayers and blessings for the ministry and mission you sense yourself and your communities being invited to....And that the writing process will be a blessing whatever and whenever the end product arrives!
Mary Beth said…
You ARE a writer. That 10 year old is waiting.
altar ego said…
I have a friend who has perpetual jaw pain problems, and I'm convinced it's because she won't use her voice. For her I think it's fear. For others sometimes I think that we aren't working with the right audience. And then there are those who are afraid to listen. Whatever the context for you, may your voice be heard.
Barbara B. said…
GREAT intro! (I wanted to keep reading...)
a book... what a lofty goal! keep writing...
Jan said…
Good writing.
RevAnne said…
I'd read that book. Praying for you.
Mompriest said…
praying for you RevHipChick...'cuz I'm sure your book will be awesome...I'm sure it will pour out of you when your voice is ready to share it with us.
God_Guurrlll said…
I would totally read your book...and attend your church. Ministry is about rolling up your sleeves and getting down and dirty. I want to bring that back too.

Popular posts from this blog

My Third-trimester Abortion

It's something I don't talk about much.

In the past I referred to it as a stillbirth. It was a stillbirth. But it was also an induced labor in my third trimester, hence making it a third-trimester abortion.

When I discovered I was pregnant I was only 16 years old. I'm pretty sure Christopher was conceived on the night my mom walked in on my boyfriend and I having sex on the couch. I thought she was going to be at work but she came home early. He ran out the door and I cried while my mother yelled profanities at me. It was a horrible night for all of us.

I wasn't smart enough to consider pretending I was on my period. After a few months my mom asked me if I was pregnant. She was right but I denied it just the same. Tim and I had talked about giving the baby up for adoption but we were scared out of our minds and decided I'd get an abortion. Another month or so passed, I hadn't gotten an abortion and I couldn't deny my pregnancy to my mom anymore. I told her …

Sleep Deprived Post

First of all, I am a sleeper. I can sleep through nearly anything.  I can still sleep until noon. As soon as my head hits the pillow I fall asleep. I can wake up and go back to sleep almost immediately. I'm a sleeper, it's what I do.

This morning I woke up around 2:30 or 3. I have not been able to go back to sleep! I've been yawning for hours, I've tried laying down and going back to sleep but it's not working. So here I am 2.5 hours later writing on my blog. I'm not sure I can be responsible for what I write in this sleep deprived state.

In about 5 hours I'll leave to pick up my eldest daughter and her BFF from college. Let's hope I don't sleep during the drive!  Okay, not really funny. I'll have to take a cue from my mom and pull over and take a nap when I get drowsy.

I think it was my junior year of high school and I was driving a boat of a car that looked a lot like this:
If possible, I think it was even longer and not as pretty but it was go…

Cancer blues

Most days I feel really positive and good.  Today is not one of those days. Today is one of those days in which I've been thinking about having my lymph nodes removed and the risk of lymphodema in my legs. Dr. Gyn/Onc seemed more worried about this side effect than the actual cancer.  I don't want to go there but sometimes those images of log tree legs, remembering the pain from the swelling in my legs when I was pregnant, and imagining the drains being stuck in my body for a week or more, well it makes my skin crawl.

I know there will be good days and bad days. I try to keep the bad days from my family and friends. I know they are stressed too.

I feel like we are one of those families in which something is always going on and people start to pull away wondering WTF is wrong with them!

I'm used to being the care taker, not the one receiving care.

I have to find a new normal and that won't happen until after the surgery.  So I need an interim normal for the time being.