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Showing posts from August, 2010

21

21 years ago today I gave birth to a little boy named Christopher Thomas.  Christopher never took a breath outside of my womb but I miss him just the same.  He lived and grew within me for 6 months.  Even though I was 16 and scared to death I loved him, was in love with him from early on.  Laughing when he first had the hiccups and then thinking he would become a kick-boxer or soccer player the way he moved all the time. 

Christopher would be 21 this year.  Had he been healthy and born on time I would likely still be in mourning today, wondering what he'd be like, if he went to college or had a special someone.  We planned to give him to a wonderful family who would love and take care of him better than a 16 year old girl and boyfriend who'd probably not last another year together, let alone be good parents.  He was never going to be mine.  But he's always been mine, he's always been near. 

I used to get glimpses of him as a 5 year old boy, dark hair, brown eyes and …

Merkin's Birth-day--Happy Birthday Merkin!

Today is a wonderful and beautiful day, my Merkin's 15th birthday!  It's hard to believe that 15 years ago today she was born. 

I had been in labor for nearly 24 hours.  For the most part it was a pretty good 24 hours.  Phil (my father-in-law) still talks about it as the party room.  I was 23 and thrilled to meet my little girl.  My roommate Jenn and my best-friend Valerie took care of me the whole time.  We began with helium balloons and music playing, more friends and family dropping in to say hello. 

Joel (then a friend) dropped in to check on us.  He sat there reading the chart paper telling me when I was having a contraction and how big it was.  I laughed because in the birthing class they warned the dads not to get absorbed in the machines, "That's exactly what they said the dad's would do!"  It seemed hilarious at the time--if we had only known!

Of course, about 12 hours in the hours got longer and the pain began to kick in.  I tried to be good, to a…

RevGal Friday 5: Dorm Life Edition

1) What was the hardest thing to leave behind when you went away to school for the first time?
The city.  I went from a large town/city (Colorado Springs) to a small rural town (Durango, CO) in the mountains.  For the most part I grew up in small rural towns but I had fallen in love with city life (don't laugh--the Springs was city-life to me!). 

My mom and I moved around a lot.  I went to 3 high schools in 4 years so there wasn't much to tie me down to any of them, nor the towns we had lived in.  I was excited and ready for college (so I thought). 

2) We live in the era of helicopter parents. How much fuss did your parents make when you first left home?
Not much.  It wasn't a big deal leaving home-- at the end of my junior year my mom moved to Colorado and left me in Manhattan, KS to complete the last few weeks/month of school.  Then my senior year she moved at semester to another town (she found some crazy old lady and her yappy little dog to live with and "watch ov…

Jesus Camp

As I type I'm watching the documentary, Jesus Camp, with my eldest daughter Merkin.  I am keenly aware that I live in the Bible Belt.  Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church is in our backyard and the folks of Jesus Camp are here as well.

I would love to watch a follow-up to Jesus Camp and see what those kids are doing now.  It was rather spooky for me as I attended a few camps that didn't look so very different.  The biggest difference I noted was that everyone at Jesus Camp spoke in tongues while only a few kids at the camps I attended did. 

Another difference is that the Jesus Camp kids were allowed to listen to Christian rock.  I still remember one of our pastors telling us "Those same drum beats in those Christian bands are the same drum beats of those pagans in Africa."  He told us that one of the African men he saved asked him why their native music was evil when those same drums and rhythms were in the music he listened to at the church.  When I got hom…

dew drops & spiderwebs

Withdrawl

I've been struggling with depression for much of my summer.  I've withdrawn from blogging--reading and writing.  I've withdrawn from friends and the general pursuit of simply enjoying life and having fun.  I've been a less-than-stellar pastor (to say the least).  I've been an uber grumpy mother.  I've not been good.

I confess this here because I can't do so anywhere else.  While this blog is not private, it's also not well-read, so I'm not overly concerned.  Additionally,  I know that I'm not alone in struggling with depression.  I don't need to be ashamed.

So, today I promise, to and for myself, that I will call and make an appointment with a shrink--hopefully through my health insurance.  Something has got to change.  Today is the first step.

This is the day

This is the day.

This is the day that our life truly begins anew.  Each day offers ample opportunity for renewal, redemption, and rededication.  This is our family's day.

It's Monday morning and there is no crying as my girls wave their daddy off to work.  Instead, an early morning argument between mother and teenage daughter.  The house is now quiet with a sleeping spouse and sleeping daughters.  No early morning tears.  No early morning rush scuttlebutting Joel out the door and on the road.  No early morning Monday morose.

This is the day that the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it!

I write like James Joyce?

Over at Quantum Theology I followed this interesting link.  Supposedly, Margaret Atwood put her info in the application and found that she wrote like Stephen King.  After recently reading his book, On Writing, I'd find that more a compliment than previously thought. 


I write like
James Joyce I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!
James Joyce is pretty high praise.  I didn't expect that at all.  I don't know what or how the application works.  An interesting little toy nonetheless.

more blogging than i thought

it appears that i will be able to do more blogging than i first thought.  there were some blips on my ekg that need to get further checked out before i'm cleared for surgery on friday.  no big whoop but the anethesiologist wants to be sure.

the good news is that i'll be able to use my right hand a while longer.

thank you for your support and prayers!
I've been a bad blogger. I've been pondering taking down the blog permenantly. I rarely post these days and haven't even been in the blogosphere much at all.

As someone told me last week that they wished I'd finally get my stuff together, it hit hard. I feel the same way. I want to have my stuff together. Some days it feels as though for the past two years all I've offered is excuses and apologies for not being on time, forgetting appointments, not making enough pastoral visits,not being in the office, having crappy sermons, etc. It's not just for the church either, it's friends and family. I've been a half-ass pastor and parent and wife and friend and sister.

I've avoided blogging and the blogosphere in hopes of not being distracted, of getting focused. But as I went to visit the RevGals for a final time, before closing my blog, i saw this picture: I recognized my foot.  I also realized how this circle of friends has made my life and ministry bette…