Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts from March, 2012

God is so good!

We've been through some hell this past month.  Given the public nature of this blog I cannot say more at this moment.
Last week I was at my breaking point.  I longed to blog but could not. 

This week my heart is racing with excitement and joy.  The world is wide open and my heart is soaring.  It's been a long time since I've been so happy.

It's amazing how God walks with us through hell and leads us into the sunshine, the fresh breath of spring, flowers springing up, and birds singing songs of praise to their maker. 

I am a firm believer in that whatever hell we are going through God will use it for our good.  God doesn't give us/send us there but walks with us through it and makes it work for our good.

Thanks be to God!  God is so good.  God is good all the time!  All the time, God is good!

RevGal Friday 5: The Women's Edition

1. Name a woman author you very much love to read.
bell hooks a prolific writer whose work is intellectual, emotional, powerful, and inspiring; reading her work in college gave me courage to write.








2. Name a woman from the Bible with whom you would like to enjoy a nice long coffee talk.
Tamar of Genesis 38--a woman of immense courage and creativity, imagine the tales she could tell!




3. Name a famous woman from history with whom you would like to have lunch.
Carrie A. Nation--my grandmother once told me we were related but I've never seen her name on any of Joel's family history spreadsheets. She was zealous and crazed leader of the temperance movement, for crying out loud she always had an axe on her!  perhaps Dorothy Day would be more fun!












4. Name a living famous or infamous woman with whom you would like to go out to dinner.
Christina Aguilara













5. If you could be SuperWoman (o.k., I know you already ARE) what three special powers would you like to have?  perfect recall of …

How I lost my voice: step one in reclaiming it

Six months into our life in Kansas City we wanted to move home; we called our new state Misery. 

Numerous times we sought a way back to Colorado.  Once it looked like we had a chance to move to Albuquerque which would put us within a six hour drive of Joel's parents and my mom.  I was thrilled, I love New Mexico.  Nothing ever worked out.  There was always a problem and the plans never came together.

At last, we had a plan.  I quit my part time job at the college, I quite my CASA volunteer job.  I began saying good-bye to our friends in Kansas City.  The girls and I were going to move in with Joel's parents while he stayed in Kansas City and I went to school to become a massage therapist.  We'd be separated no more than six months and the final result would be that we'd all be living in Colorado together, exactly as we wanted to be.  It was scary but we were desperate.  It had been 7 years of living in Misery.

Then I attended a 40's and Under United Methodist Wome…

Getting to the root

It's been an interesting week.  I've had some good, even if frustrating, a-ha moments. 

4 years ago, fresh out of seminary and thrilled about my upcoming appointment in the United Methodist Church I lost my voice.  Some days it feels more like my vocal chords were ripped from my throat. I put some band-aids over the wounds and garnered some strength and began to speak and preach again.  There were days, runs of weeks even, when my voice felt stronger, I thought I was gaining strength and healing, recovering from the wounds but then I'd catch site of blood and speak and preach quietly again.
I don't think I had a clue how deep the wound was/is.

Last fall, I felt attacked as a member of the district committee on ordained ministry asked me, "Do you even like preaching?"  He went on to say that I had no passion, no energy, that I did not proclaim the gospel.  For months I've carried this with me.  It's eaten at the vocal chords, gnawing on them, gobbling…
I find myself needing to speak even with my voice shaking.  My fear is that it will turn from shaking to quaking with anger.  Last week I realized that my fear of using "my voice" arises from the fear that others will hear, that words, my words are powerful and I fear the repercussions of them. 

It's ironic that my last post, from 4 months ago, was about using my voice, not cowering to the fear, and yet here I am feeling frustrated, afraid, and angry.  The truth is that I am afraid of my own power.