Skip to main content

Strange Days

I woke up this morning and didn't feel like facing the day just yet.  Yesterday I sat before the Board of Ordained Ministry.  I thought I was ok, but in my first set of interviews I broke down.  I cried.  I cried and cried and cried. 

It started out fine.  Then it felt as though I was being attacked.  I doubt that I was but I was shocked by the person's assessment of my paperwork.  What this person said took my breath away and I felt as though I had been slapped in the face or punched in the gut.  Unfortunately I did not recover from this.  I went into the next 2 sessions crying as well.  I generally don't have an issue with controling my emotions but I certainly did yesterday. 

I definately understand why the BOM would be leary of commissioning me.  It still sucks.  I  don't want to redo my paperwork.  At this point I have no idea if I will have to redo my paperwork or not.  I will find out when I get my letter from the BOM.

The strangest part of the day was going into the sessions for Doctrine & Theology and Proclamation.  I had assumed that they would be the most difficult sessions.  They were the most affirming sessions of the day!  I actually enjoyed talking with those groups! 

The folks in Doctrine & Theology asked clear questions.  One of them loved my Bible Study and asked for permission to use it.    Proclamation folks were extremely helpful and affirming.  This morning nearly as soon as I woke up I tried to write down many of the things they had suggested because I didn't want to forget anything.

The people in Worship were also very helpful and gave me some suggestions for how to prepare/plan for worship.

Yesterday gave me lots of information to process.  Yes, I'm disappointed.  I had hoped to be commissioned this year at Annual Conference. 

However, I have a better knowledge of my weak spots and where I can grow.  I am also confident that next year I will not cry and cry and cry, next year I will know what I am walking into and rest assurred that I can demonstrate my competency and readiness.

As one of my friends stated:  God is good, all the's just the BOM that sucks sometimes!


Mompriest said… I'm catching up. Many of us have been through similar experiences with ordaining commissions. There is a tendency for folks on these commissions to project their issues onto candidates....which is usually what is going on when it feels muddled and odd and like we don't know what's going on - we can't know because the real issue lies in someone else and is being projected onto us. Good feeback always feels helpful and affirming. You have here a perfect example of both. So. Yes, it may mean that because of whatever issues others were wrestling with you will end up waiting another year....but maybe not. In the end all will be well. You are good pastor and minister and the Holy Spirit will prevail over the humaness of the process.

Prayers for you...
Mary Beth said…
Oh, dear you...I am so very sorry to read this. :P Poop on them. I'm glad you took the time to write down the affirming things; this is great self care.

love to you.

Popular posts from this blog

My Third-trimester Abortion

It's something I don't talk about much.

In the past I referred to it as a stillbirth. It was a stillbirth. But it was also an induced labor in my third trimester, hence making it a third-trimester abortion.

When I discovered I was pregnant I was only 16 years old. I'm pretty sure Christopher was conceived on the night my mom walked in on my boyfriend and I having sex on the couch. I thought she was going to be at work but she came home early. He ran out the door and I cried while my mother yelled profanities at me. It was a horrible night for all of us.

I wasn't smart enough to consider pretending I was on my period. After a few months my mom asked me if I was pregnant. She was right but I denied it just the same. Tim and I had talked about giving the baby up for adoption but we were scared out of our minds and decided I'd get an abortion. Another month or so passed, I hadn't gotten an abortion and I couldn't deny my pregnancy to my mom anymore. I told her …

Sleep Deprived Post

First of all, I am a sleeper. I can sleep through nearly anything.  I can still sleep until noon. As soon as my head hits the pillow I fall asleep. I can wake up and go back to sleep almost immediately. I'm a sleeper, it's what I do.

This morning I woke up around 2:30 or 3. I have not been able to go back to sleep! I've been yawning for hours, I've tried laying down and going back to sleep but it's not working. So here I am 2.5 hours later writing on my blog. I'm not sure I can be responsible for what I write in this sleep deprived state.

In about 5 hours I'll leave to pick up my eldest daughter and her BFF from college. Let's hope I don't sleep during the drive!  Okay, not really funny. I'll have to take a cue from my mom and pull over and take a nap when I get drowsy.

I think it was my junior year of high school and I was driving a boat of a car that looked a lot like this:
If possible, I think it was even longer and not as pretty but it was go…
It's been several years but here I am again.

I'm now in process to become an ordained pastor in the United Church of Christ!  It feels like I'm entering a period of renewal and getting back to my true roots and calling.

Thankfully I have a fabulous mentor for the process. She has given me homework. One thing is totally creative and not using words--only pictures to collage themes of fear and failure. The second piece is to journal about fear and failure. I've decided that it's highly unlikely that anyone actually reads this blog anymore since it's been inactive for years so it's as good as place as any to journal.  Plus I found a great community when I was actively blogging and my hope is to renew that community as well.

A few things for you to know, this year I broke my 40+ years of biting my nails!  This is HUGE and something I've tried to do most of life. Unfortunately, I have developed a new bad habit, I fiddle with my fingernails and often end up t…