Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Strange Days

I woke up this morning and didn't feel like facing the day just yet.  Yesterday I sat before the Board of Ordained Ministry.  I thought I was ok, but in my first set of interviews I broke down.  I cried.  I cried and cried and cried. 

It started out fine.  Then it felt as though I was being attacked.  I doubt that I was but I was shocked by the person's assessment of my paperwork.  What this person said took my breath away and I felt as though I had been slapped in the face or punched in the gut.  Unfortunately I did not recover from this.  I went into the next 2 sessions crying as well.  I generally don't have an issue with controling my emotions but I certainly did yesterday. 

I definately understand why the BOM would be leary of commissioning me.  It still sucks.  I  don't want to redo my paperwork.  At this point I have no idea if I will have to redo my paperwork or not.  I will find out when I get my letter from the BOM.

The strangest part of the day was going into the sessions for Doctrine & Theology and Proclamation.  I had assumed that they would be the most difficult sessions.  They were the most affirming sessions of the day!  I actually enjoyed talking with those groups! 

The folks in Doctrine & Theology asked clear questions.  One of them loved my Bible Study and asked for permission to use it.    Proclamation folks were extremely helpful and affirming.  This morning nearly as soon as I woke up I tried to write down many of the things they had suggested because I didn't want to forget anything.

The people in Worship were also very helpful and gave me some suggestions for how to prepare/plan for worship.

Yesterday gave me lots of information to process.  Yes, I'm disappointed.  I had hoped to be commissioned this year at Annual Conference. 

However, I have a better knowledge of my weak spots and where I can grow.  I am also confident that next year I will not cry and cry and cry, next year I will know what I am walking into and rest assurred that I can demonstrate my competency and readiness.

As one of my friends stated:  God is good, all the time....it's just the BOM that sucks sometimes!


Mompriest said...

ahhh....now I'm catching up. Many of us have been through similar experiences with ordaining commissions. There is a tendency for folks on these commissions to project their issues onto candidates....which is usually what is going on when it feels muddled and odd and like we don't know what's going on - we can't know because the real issue lies in someone else and is being projected onto us. Good feeback always feels helpful and affirming. You have here a perfect example of both. So. Yes, it may mean that because of whatever issues others were wrestling with you will end up waiting another year....but maybe not. In the end all will be well. You are good pastor and minister and the Holy Spirit will prevail over the humaness of the process.

Prayers for you...

Mary Beth said...

Oh, dear you...I am so very sorry to read this. :P Poop on them. I'm glad you took the time to write down the affirming things; this is great self care.

love to you.