Skip to main content

To be queen

I'll be preaching about Queen Esther this coming Sunday. Most likely I'll be borrowing part of the title of Karol Jackowski's article, Holy Disobedience in Esther. I love the idea/reality of Holy Disobedience so that will likely be my title.


However, I keep coming back to Queen Vashti. She was also a heroine, without her would Esther have had the courage to approach the king? Queen Vashti, like the legend of Adam's first wife, Lilith, does not bend to the whims of men. She is her own woman and will not be subject to their drunken and abusive requests.
One of the texts I read today (I can tell you the title tomorrow when I get back to the office) talked about how it was Vashti's death that made the king more ready to accept Esther as she approached him without an invitation. Perhaps after experiencing the death of Vashti, he did not want Esther to suffer a similiar fate and was ready to accept her approach.
Perhaps Vashti also inspired Esther to approach the king at the risk of her life. Yes, Mordecai was persuasive about saving her people but in addition she could draw from Vashti's bravery in saying no to the king. If Vashti could stand up for herself and herself alone, risking death for her own dignity, then of course Esther could risk death not only for herself but for her people.
Today, as I reread Esther, I was in awe of Vashti. I thought, perhaps my next tattoo should be of Vashti. Perhaps she, like Mary Magdalene, she would give me strength and courage when I needed it. Perhaps she could remind me to be strong in the face of great opposition and danger. Does that pass over into the land of idolatry?

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

My Third-trimester Abortion

It's something I don't talk about much.

In the past I referred to it as a stillbirth. It was a stillbirth. But it was also an induced labor in my third trimester, hence making it a third-trimester abortion.

When I discovered I was pregnant I was only 16 years old. I'm pretty sure Christopher was conceived on the night my mom walked in on my boyfriend and I having sex on the couch. I thought she was going to be at work but she came home early. He ran out the door and I cried while my mother yelled profanities at me. It was a horrible night for all of us.

I wasn't smart enough to consider pretending I was on my period. After a few months my mom asked me if I was pregnant. She was right but I denied it just the same. Tim and I had talked about giving the baby up for adoption but we were scared out of our minds and decided I'd get an abortion. Another month or so passed, I hadn't gotten an abortion and I couldn't deny my pregnancy to my mom anymore. I told her …

Sleep Deprived Post

First of all, I am a sleeper. I can sleep through nearly anything.  I can still sleep until noon. As soon as my head hits the pillow I fall asleep. I can wake up and go back to sleep almost immediately. I'm a sleeper, it's what I do.

This morning I woke up around 2:30 or 3. I have not been able to go back to sleep! I've been yawning for hours, I've tried laying down and going back to sleep but it's not working. So here I am 2.5 hours later writing on my blog. I'm not sure I can be responsible for what I write in this sleep deprived state.

In about 5 hours I'll leave to pick up my eldest daughter and her BFF from college. Let's hope I don't sleep during the drive!  Okay, not really funny. I'll have to take a cue from my mom and pull over and take a nap when I get drowsy.

I think it was my junior year of high school and I was driving a boat of a car that looked a lot like this:
If possible, I think it was even longer and not as pretty but it was go…

Cancer blues

Most days I feel really positive and good.  Today is not one of those days. Today is one of those days in which I've been thinking about having my lymph nodes removed and the risk of lymphodema in my legs. Dr. Gyn/Onc seemed more worried about this side effect than the actual cancer.  I don't want to go there but sometimes those images of log tree legs, remembering the pain from the swelling in my legs when I was pregnant, and imagining the drains being stuck in my body for a week or more, well it makes my skin crawl.

I know there will be good days and bad days. I try to keep the bad days from my family and friends. I know they are stressed too.

I feel like we are one of those families in which something is always going on and people start to pull away wondering WTF is wrong with them!

I'm used to being the care taker, not the one receiving care.

I have to find a new normal and that won't happen until after the surgery.  So I need an interim normal for the time being.