Skip to main content

The strangest dream

"Last night I had the strangest dream..." is something my husband hears a lot. "Can I share it with  you?" is next. Depending on his mood and where he is in his stage of getting ready he may say yes or no.

Since I'd really prefer to process this strangest dream then the question is really for you. If your answer is yes then by all means keep reading! If no, then move along but I hope you will come back another day!

The dream was much like an alternate universe. In this dream my eldest daughter was 3 or 4. Her biological donor (sorry, father won't come out) came back into her life. (I was actually thrilled, him being healthy and actually being a father has been something I wanted for her for a very long time--she's now 21 and I don't see it happening. Alas, I digress.) She was spending the weekend with her Auntie (his sister) and I was having a strange church thing. We had discovered that Subway created a machine that would hold a person, magically adjusting to each new person, give them delightful nourishment, and then kill them so that their organs could be harvested and shared. It was a beautiful sacrifice for those who were facing extreme illnesses.

We borrowed 3 of these machines and offered it to the congregation.  Suddenly everyone wanted to die and give their sacrifice in the name of God and love. I think 2 or 3 people had gone through this and it was my turn to sit in the machine and then sacrifice myself. But while I sat there, I realized that this was not quite what I thought. I realized that God wanted us to really live!  That that was our sacrifice to be made. After feeling torn for my congregation and what they would think, I got out and tried to explain myself and explain how God wants us to live when my sister-in-law burst in with my child. She was appalled and going to call child welfare on me and have my daughter taken away. She ran out the door. Her husband stayed and taunted me and my congregation. During the chaos, 2 or 3 more people ran into the Subway machines and killed themselves. I was a nervous wreck. I had somehow been duped into confusing death for hope and life and led my congregation down this awful trap. I had to fix it!  I also had to keep my child safe. I began to worry about the families of the people who had died in the machines, and how would I do so many funerals and when? Wouldn't it be disrespectful to do one big funeral? Would I get sued? Omg!  I was going to be blamed for all of this! And then a foster child of my sister in law, jumped into one of the machines and died!  My life was ruined!  I was a failure!

At this point the right wing group that was sharing our church building came in and started singing and singing that I was from the devil and leading people to hell. I tried to explain what had happened and how wrong I was. I started smashing the machines, taking apart the awful decor of the church which had turned red and black. As I smashed the stuff to bits they turned white but there was something off still. In the destruction, I noticed there was no love and without love, it was not a part of God. I realized that I was not completely forsaken but God had not given up on me!  God was still within me but needed me to wake up and fully understand love (in the dream not in real life) and that this right wing pastor was really the devil. So I began to cast him out with prayers of love, arms raised and hands open to him. As the actual devil was getting cast out the room brightened with the love of God and turned sparkling white and then whenever doubt came back in or someone else screamed at me, then it would darken and turn to red and black again. The singing, dancing, destruction, and redemption went on for some time like a bad high school musical with the intensity of a evangelistic mega church altar call.

I think I was so exhausted in the dream that I woke myself up.

I woke up to the realization and beautiful feeling that I was not lost, I would never be lost to God, and that no one, no matter what they've done is lost to the redemptive power of God's love.

I was also grateful, this was just a damned weird dream!


Popular posts from this blog

Sermon on Luke 24: 44-56

This morning I have the honor of preaching at my Mentor's church while she take a well earned break.  I'd be lying if I wasn't nervous. Thankfully, I live with an amazing editor so that helps.

I'm using the first story from Peter Rollin's The Ortodox Heretic and Other Impossible Tales as an illustration. It didn't seem right to type it into my sermon. The stripped down version is that a man is put on trial for being a Christian. He has all the Christian trappings: regularly attends church, prays, reads scriptures and inspirational devotions, he even writes his own! Yet, he is free to go because there is no evidence that he is living as Christ and the Disciples did, he poses no threat to the status quo. I highly recommend the book. It's filled with wonderful and challenging tales, Rollins' uses the book to state that the scriptures and all our religiosity have no meaning unless we put those words and beliefs into action.

Update:  I left the book at home!!…

Cancer and unicorns

I wish I could remember where I found this prayer, it gives me strength and courage. 

Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers,
but to be fearless in facing them.

Let me know beg for the stilling of my pain,
but for the heart to conquer it.

Let me not crave in anxious fear to be saved,
but hope for the patience to win my freedom.

Grant me that I may not be a coward,
feeling your mercy in my success alone;
but let me find the grasp of your hand in my failure.

Written by Rabindranath Tagore

It turns out I have actual cancer.  In the tiniest of ways I am concerned but overall I am very positive about kicking some cancer ass. I think it has helped going through the precancerous stuff and emotions. I now know that I can get through the surgery. I know what I face and that I am surrounded by people who love and care for me and will help me through this.

A few months ago I had a "unicorn party" for my staff because things had been rough in the office and most folks had persona…

Processing Vulval Intraepithelial Neoplasia 3 (VIN 3)

Having a precancerous condition (VIN 3)on my vulva is a strange phenomena. It's a rare so most people aren't aware of it, I certainly wasn't. And let's face it, people rarely talk about women's anatomy such as clitoris, vulva, labia, etc. We focus on breasts and vaginas, usually with odd nicknames rather than actual labels. My personal preference for vagina is "hoo-hah." It's cute with a punch of power and why can't my vagina be cute and powerful? It may not be cute after surgery but I can still pretend.

A handful of family and friends, and YOU, know about my condition. I've been wondering, do I talk about it? Do I wait until I schedule my surgery (the scheduler wasn't in yesterday due to the blizzard on her side of town), after the surgery and my results are in? Or do I keep it to myself and those who already know?  At first I thought if this was breast cancer that would be an easy answer but I don't think that is true either. I imag…