Friday, July 24, 2009

Procrastination

Tomorrow morning I'm supposed to preside over a funeral of a friend. She was/is a wonderful woman and it was unexpected. I can't seem to get myself to prepare. I've spent a few hours with her family today, they're pretty wonderful too and trust me to properly honor their mother. I'm terrified to disappoint them. I've done a few funerals now and a couple of them have been for people I've felt close to but this one is different.

This woman was my "stand-in" mother. Her door was always open for me (and many others) to come in and hide. We could just sit in silence or we'd chat it up. I wasn't her only "kid," she took in more than anyone probably imagined.

I don't want to say goodbye. I don't want to show up for church on Sunday and know that she won't be there to sit with the girls and tease Joel. She won't be there later in the week to talk. She won't be there anymore at all. I just don't want to say good-bye.

I think I needed to let it out, to just acknowledge how much this will suck. I love her and will do my best to honor her and be there for her kids, biological or otherwise.

I love you, good-bye.

4 comments:

God_Guurrlll said...

Prayers to you my friend. It's tough to preside over a funeral of someone who you love. Procrastination is totally understandable.

Peace and love,

Songbird said...

Thinking of you this morning, so sorry for your loss.

mompriest said...

Oh, so sorry...very difficult to Preside at funerals like this one. My prayers are with you...

revkjarla said...

love and prayers to you, dear...will be thinking of you all day...and I know you will honor the life of this important woman as you grieve her leaving, with her family.
you will do it all with your authentic self, open to the spirit of God....