Tomorrow morning I'm supposed to preside over a funeral of a friend. She was/is a wonderful woman and it was unexpected. I can't seem to get myself to prepare. I've spent a few hours with her family today, they're pretty wonderful too and trust me to properly honor their mother. I'm terrified to disappoint them. I've done a few funerals now and a couple of them have been for people I've felt close to but this one is different.
This woman was my "stand-in" mother. Her door was always open for me (and many others) to come in and hide. We could just sit in silence or we'd chat it up. I wasn't her only "kid," she took in more than anyone probably imagined.
I don't want to say goodbye. I don't want to show up for church on Sunday and know that she won't be there to sit with the girls and tease Joel. She won't be there later in the week to talk. She won't be there anymore at all. I just don't want to say good-bye.
I think I needed to let it out, to just acknowledge how much this will suck. I love her and will do my best to honor her and be there for her kids, biological or otherwise.
I love you, good-bye.