My daughter Merkin says I've gone soft. She can see it on my face when I want to say more but hold back. At my meeting with the DCOM, one of them said I'm not being truthful, I'm not preaching the word of God. I'm telling you that that really hurt--not just my ego but my vision of who I am as a preacher as well.
This morning I retold the story of Esther to the congregation. The sermon title was Holy Disobedience and I had planned on talking about how God calls us to be a part of upsetting the status quo when it is unjust.
I wanted to say that in our world 1/3 of the population is concerned with an epidemic of obesity and the other 2/3 is dying from starvation and malnutrition. In the United States, a small percentage of people have health insurance that they can actually afford to use. Many others have insurance but their deductibles and payments are so high that they still can't afford to use it. Many others, most of which are probably children, have no health…
I'm not feeling much like a writer these days. I'm not really grounded either. The two are likely related.
It's been or felt darn near impossible to sit down and pray. I haven't been up for much lately. Yes, that sounds like depression. Perhaps it is. But I'm not feeling sad, I'm not crying. I'm just not feeling much of anything. I take an anti-depressant already. It's not a matter of getting meds. I'd love to stop taking the meds but jeez, if I'm having issues on meds I'm scared to stop!
Hmmm...I'm gonna stop blogging since I'm just complaining.
I'll be preaching about Queen Esther this coming Sunday. Most likely I'll be borrowing part of the title of Karol Jackowski's article, Holy Disobedience in Esther. I love the idea/reality of Holy Disobedience so that will likely be my title.
However, I keep coming back to Queen Vashti. She was also a heroine, without her would Esther have had the courage to approach the king? Queen Vashti, like the legend of Adam's first wife, Lilith, does not bend to the whims of men. She is her own woman and will not be subject to their drunken and abusive requests. One of the texts I read today (I can tell you the title tomorrow when I get back to the office) talked about how it was Vashti's death that made the king more ready to accept Esther as she approached him without an invitation. Perhaps after experiencing the death of Vashti, he did not want Esther to suffer a similiar fate and was ready to accept her approach. Perhaps Vashti also inspired Esther to approach the king a…
This morning Jan posted this poem from A.A. Milne:
Halfway down the stairs Is a stair Where I sit. There isn't any Other stair Quite like It.
I'm not at the bottom, I'm not at the top; So this is the stair Where I always Stop.
Halfway up the stairs Isn't up, And isn't down. it isn't in the nursery, it isn't in the town.
And all sorts of funny thoughts Run round my head: "It isn't really Anywhere! It's somewhere else Instead!" — A. A. Milne“Halfway Down,” When We Were Very Young
She also posted these questions: Thinking of your childhood as a stairway, when did you feel (and how did you feel then)
1. at the bottom? when boarding the school bus...i dreaded getting on the bus every morning. a boy from down the road would come and wait at my stop with me and the older kids would tease us that we were boyfriend and girlfriend. i hated it, plus it made my stomach drop to find a place to sit down. it was scary and agravating all at once. 2. at the top? this might sound strange…
A week or so ago I canceled my appointment with my favorite tattoo artist, Jessie. Currently, she is book up through January/February! Yes, she is that good!
I was going to add prayer beads to circle my Mary, Blessed Mother tattoo and add a bit more color to the original. However, I canceled the appointment because I ordered an orange 16 gb iPOD nano--4th generation. (prices dropped when the new iPOD was released) I thought I should choose one or the other because we didn't have money for both. I was being fiscally responsible.
This made my husband, Joel, very happy. He's not too keen on my desire for more tattoos. He says he didn't sign on to marry the painted lady. He didn't sign on to marry a preacher but he's doing fine with that.
As my appointment date gets closer I get a little sadder. I was really looking forward to seeing Jessie, hearing stories, and adding the finishing touches to Mary, Blessed Mother. If I get commissioned this spring (I'm optimistic) I&…
i haven't been keeping up with the blogosphere lately. i just spent an hour (perhaps longer) going to my favorite blogs and reading. i'm not going to feel guilty for using my office time in such a manner because, well, i needed it. thank you all for blogging and sharing your worlds with the rest of us. i've really really missed you!
yesterday i interviewed with DCOM (district committee on ordained ministry) and during the interview i mentioned that even though i consider myself a writer i find it nearly impossible to write out my sermons (ok, perhaps not THAT bluntly but that i don't write them out) and that for the past year i haven't been able to write.
one of the Elders got this quizzical look of shock on his face. as if that was the strangest thing he'd ever heard. then i popped in that i do write daily email devotionals for the folks at church so it's not like i'm not writing at all. but i keep flashing back to that look on his face.
I've been a bad blogger and I'm not making things any better because I've come to blog out of frustration.
I shouldn't be complaining because Joel has been home more this week than any other week we've been here. Perhaps that is why tonight felt so exhausting.
Val has quite a bit of homework every night. It sucks. It really really really sucks. She's got some ADD issues but they're pretty much under control but it makes homework a huge struggle. She's a kid that needs lots of space and time to run off her energy but most of her time is spent avoiding actually completing her homework. She does ok IF i sit right by her and watch her do it. If I'm readying, working, or anything else she won't do it. It makes me crazy! I can't just sit there and watch her work or not work. EEEKKK!
There there's that thing about having 2 other kids to take care of and help with their homework.
In addition, Wednesdays are simply long days. I go to wo…